The Feelings of a Break-up

People generally have mixed emotions when breaking up with their significant other, no matter how long the relationship lasted.

If you were the initiator and you truly wanted it to end because it was for the better, you will constantly question yourself after the break up.

Was it the wrong decision? What could I have done better?

Then your mind actually starts tricking you into believing the relationship was good and you begin to think about all the positives. You remember your experiences together, only taking the good. You think about all the work that you put into the relationship:

The compromises you did for that person, the time, the money, the late-night texts and the phone calls.

If you had good intentions of breaking up due to your constant nagging differences with the person that kept coming up or that you felt you simply did not have time for them anymore. These good intentions that led you to push for the break up will eventually turn on you afterwards and you will question why you did it.

I learned that all of these negative emotions are part of the process. There is no magical pill to feel better. There is no amount of rationalization that will help because your mind will keep betraying you and it will trick you into believing that it was a mistake. It will think of all the reasons that your decision was wrong. If you are a naturally indecisive person in general, like me, this will be like mental torture.

I think that all of the reccomendations or suggestions on how to fix these emotions are not really the answer.

I believe that the true way to cope is to simply surrender.

Surrender means to fully accept.

Fully accept that these emotions are going to be there and that there is no way to fix that. The urges are all going to be there and there is no way to fix that. Fully accepting all the negative emotions helps us realize that this is the process.

There is no silver bullet to make you feel better such as break up playlists, deleting old photos of your ex or finding a new rebound (worse one!). People simply need to accept that these emotions are part of the process of healing.

The saying that love is a drug is very true as it can make people quite addicted. They crave it, they seek it out in the wrong places and they end up hurting those they care about.

I find that fully accepting these emotions and simply riding the storm is the only way to deal with the feelings after a break up.

Riding the emotional storm teaches us that pain is unfortunately part of life and is completely normal.

Over time, hopefully it will get better. And most importantly, YOU will get better.

Remember, it is part of the process.